It takes a long time to get to England in a Rowboat...

One student supposedly turned in the following report, with the proposition that the screenplay of "Titanic" and Bill Clinton’s autobiography are essentially the same, which is as good a setup as any for the following comic comparisons…

Titanic: Over 3 hours to watch
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read.

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton: Bill is a BS artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Ditto for Bill.

In Titanic, during the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: doesn't remember jack.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen...
Clinton: Oh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary.

Conclusion: "They’re basically the same story!"

His professor gave him an A+