Bud Kennedy: Should Chuck Norris be president of Texas?
Now, Chuck Norris is predicting that Texans might rise up and declare our independence — and that he might run for president.
As if we don’t have enough trouble in Austin, Norris wrote Tuesday in his syndicated column that some American state like Texas might "stand and secede" from the "wayward federal government."
He added — tongue-in-cheek, he wrote — "I may run for president of Texas."
If Walker, Texas Ranger, wants to be president — are we powerless to stop him?
I’ve heard the jokes.
But I might point out that Texas tried to cut out once already.
That was an epic failure.
Norris wrote that Texans might rebel "if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state."
Quoting Patrick Henry and John Adams, Norris wrote that Congress and the president "stampede" the Constitution in favor of "desires, partisan politics and runaway spending."
He’s kicking mad that the United States has somehow "bastardized" religious freedom by having a secular government. He quotes a 1776 Adams letter saying that the Constitution works only for "a moral and religious people."
Norris added that he thinks the Republicans are taking the nation the same direction as the Democrats, "just slower."
He used the s-word: "Other states might stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it." He ominously described "thousands of cell groups" ready to join.
Before we all gather arms to establish One Nation Under Chuck, it’s time for a reality check.
First of all, Chuck Norris is — as Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele might say — an entertainer.
His new book is Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America. The Tuesday column about secession includes a paragraph inviting readers to a martial-arts event in Houston this weekend benefiting his charity foundation.
Plus, here’s one tiny detail.
Norris might not be eligible to be president of Texas.
He’s a native-born Oklahoman.
At the Wilson Historical Museum in Wilson, Okla., where Norris went to school, a woman answering the phone laughed when I told her that he wants to be president of Texas.
"He’s gone goofy," she said sweetly, saying she wouldn’t give her name because "he’s got kinfolks here."
If Texas declared independence, she’d need a passport to cross the Red River at Gainesville.
And, of course, we’d have to build a border wall.
"I think he’s been hit in the head too many times," she said.
I couldn’t find Norris for comment.
He knows where to find me.