Well I got some good news yesterday. Checking the FCC website multiple times and not finding my Ham Radio license posted, I decided to check in another way. I entered my zipcode and just checked them all for the month and I found mine posted. Apparently I make my lower case "e's" look like "c's" so I have to get the spelling of my name changed, but the good news is that I have a license and I can use the radio if I want. Now I have to find a radio.
Bad news is this. If you have browsed way back on my blogs or read them or know me, I have a friend in Texas named Stephanie. Stephanie is very dear to me and has offered to move me down to help her out and deal with her cancer. Its a very difficult decision as I have my job and family here along with my love of St. Louis and the fact that I don't want to move again. I have moved so much in the past 10 years, I can't remember some of the places I have been. I am tired of moving.
Today she called and said that she couldn't take living anymore. She has a persistant pnemonia that is getting worse and she could barely talk. She has suffered with this for weeks, literally weeks, and has refused to do anything about it. She is worried aobut her cats because no one will go over and take proper care of them. He kids have been little heathens and no longer live with her, they live with their dad. She told me on the phone that she felt like she was dying and to call her pastor to take her to the hospital. I called her pastor and got a voice mail. I called her dad and he said they couldn't come up to be with her.
So I found the number to the Ft. Worth Police and called her an ambulance. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I hope I did the right thing. I just don't know what else I can do. I can't afford to go down there. I paid all my bills and have just enough to get me gas for the rest of the week till I get paid next. I just feel terrible that I can't come down there to be with her. We are friends and that is what it is with us. At one time I wanted it to be more, but I think the cancer changed that. I don't want to leave my home and family here and go to some place where, in a matter of weeks, I could be alone again.
I don't know why I am putting this here, but I just need to vent a bit. If I didn't do this, it would bottle up inside of me. I care for her so much, but do I care for her enough to do what is needed? She says that the fact that no one will come to be with her is proof that no one really cares for her. I her the tears in her voice and the pain of being so alone. What else can I do? I have my Mom here and my family that needs me. I have a job that, although I don't love it, its a job and it pays the bills. If the economy goes crazy, would I be able to find a job in Texas. I know that Texas is a growing economy, but I just don't want to go back to where ther are some bad memories for me.
I can't think anymore. I needed to do this to be cathartic and I just don't know what else to do. I can't stand the feeling of helpleness I have about what she is going through. I just ask you all to pray for my friend and help her through her crisis, pray for her health.
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