Friday, November 28, 2008

Life Update - Judy's ashes

Aunt Judy is going to be taken care of by her family, Thank God. I called the County Adminstrator who is in charge of indigent care in the county. Apparently, they tried to get in touch with my brother Paul, but since he moved to Kansas City they didn't know his number. Apparently they don't have a phone book, but its all water under the bridge. Anyway, since all expences had been taken care of by the state we apparently could claim her ashes at no cost to us. We sent my brother Peter to get her ashes from the cemetary and now she is with family.

We will call the family together and have some ceremony to show our feelings. Dealing with someone with mental health issues is a chore and Judy was one in particular. In the end no one could afford the time and effort to work out her problems. The state took her over and that's what happened. When we were young and Judy was more lucid we could have a lot of fun and we did. She helped us and filled the gaps when Mom wasn't there. She loved us and took care of us. In the end though, the world does not look kindly upon those less fortunate. Alone, she finally was in the care of strangers when she passed. David knew there was something wrong. He wanted to visit last weekend but it was something we could always do later and put off. Taking it for granted has become a problem with me. I have to stop taking things for granted.

When you have a troubled spirit, and Judy was a troubled person it can wear you down and in the end we were all worn down. I know that lately I have become worn down. I feel like a car with all four tire flat but I still have a long road to go. I'm running on the rims now and I don't know how long I can keep going on those.

Plus I have my other friend who may or may not be with us still. I am getting bombarded by this on all sides.and I am getting overwhelmed. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that if I don't I die. I die of starvation or lack of care or being bereft of life.

I guess I am just takling out of my hat here. Its just the overwhelming feeling of just wnting to turn on the TV and give up and just exist. I need a life and can't figure out the way of getting out of the mess I am in.

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I am interested in CNG vehicles because they are good for the environment and aren't powered by dead Marines. I still have a little hope for the world. Read the musings and enjoy.