Monday, March 3, 2008

The McDonnell Douglas Survey

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not and made the web department take it down immediately. (McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.) Now in examing the form below, its fairly obvious that this, in all likelihood was NOT posted to the Mac Website. (McDonnell Douglas is now owned by Boeing).

I am going to revise this to come up with a definitive version of it that is "more accurate."

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.Personal Details

r Mr.

r Mrs.

r Ms. r Miss r Lt. r Gen. r Comrade r Classified r Other First

Name:..................................................... Initial: ........ Last

Latitude Longitude Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

r F4 Phantom

r F15 Eagle

r F18 Hornet

r Classified

3.Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 01....... /....... /......

4.Serial Number: ...............................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

r Received as gift / aid package

r Catalog showroom

r Independent arms broker

r Mail order

r Discount store

r Government surplus

r Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

r Heard loud noise, looked up

r Store display

r Espionage

r Recommended by friend / relative / ally

r Political lobbying by manufacturer

r Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

r Style / appearance

r Speed / maneuverability

r Price / value

r Comfort / convenience

r Recommended by salesperson

r McDonnell Douglas reputation

r Advanced Weapons Systems

r Backroom politics

r Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

r North America

r Iraq

r Aircraft carrier

r Iraq

r Europe

r Iraq

r Middle East (not Iraq)

r Africa

r Asia / Far East

r Misc Third World countries r Iraq r Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

r Color TV



r Satellite

r CD Player

r AirtoAir Missiles

r Space Shuttle

r Home Computer

r Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)

r Communist / Socialist

r Terrorist

r Crazed -Islamic

r Crazed -Other

r Neutral

r Democratic

r Dictatorship

r Corrupt

r Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

r Deficit spending

r Cash

r Suitcases of cocaine

r Oil revenues

r Personal check

r Credit card

r Ransom money

r Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

r Homemaker

r Sales / marketing

r Revolutionary

r Clerical

r Mercenary

r Middle management

r Eccentric billionaire

r Defense Minister / General

r Retired

r Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

r Golf

r Boating / sailing

r Sabotage

r Running / jogging

r Propaganda / disinformation

r Destabilization / overthrow

r Gardening

r Crafts

r Black market / smuggling

r Collectibles / collections

r Watching sports on TV

r Wines

r Interrogation / torture

r Household pets

r Espionage / reconnaissance

r Fashion clothing

r Border disputes

r Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F18 E/F in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500

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I am interested in CNG vehicles because they are good for the environment and aren't powered by dead Marines. I still have a little hope for the world. Read the musings and enjoy.

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