A Better Pain Chart

I am sure that many of you have seen those wonderful pain charts at the hospital. They are the ones you point at the sad face to tell the doctor how much pain you are in. I came across this item on Zazzle and then found the original, apparently written by a nurse who though the conventional chart did not reflect actual realities.



See the original (complete with all sorts of funny comments) at the following

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html

See the Zazzle and order the t-shirt and poster at:


http://www.zazzle.com/a_better_pain_chart_poster-228976370094879342

None of that is medically useful and it doesn't even have all the numbers, so I made a better one with all the numbers:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.

1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2: I probably just need a Band Aid.

3: This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4: My pain is not fucking around.

5: Why is this happening to me??

6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7: I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.

8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.

9: I am almost definitely dying.

10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.