My brother Paul sent this to me, a wonderful faux cruise to a wonderful spot on the globe.....
L u x u r y C r u i s e L i n e s
Now Accepting Reservations! Additional cruise information available below.
To The Point Cruise Lines is excited to offer the ultimate
adventure cruise along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia!
Ultimate Adventure Cruise Route
Rates and Availability
Grand Voyage II
Grand Voyage III
Coastal Paradise II
Peril Princess II
We board our luxury cruise ships in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea , and disembark in Mombasa Kenya , seven adrenaline-charged days later. Reservations start at only $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (verandah complete with bench rest).
You'll relax like never before!
That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith.
Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon, with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night!
But the best fun of all, of course, is...
...Pirate Target Practice!
The object of our cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!
AK-47 Light Assault
$12.00 Per Day
On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:
M-16 Full Automatic
$25.00 Per Day
Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:
Barrett M-107 50 Caliber
$59.00 Per Day
Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.
$175.00 Per Day
Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included! A true favorite among pirates, rent one today and show you care!
"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family"-- Fred D., Cincinnati , OH
"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L., Bethesda , MD
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Twin mounted mini-guns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!
Additional Cruise Line Services
Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour. (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not)
Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment - and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7 PM until 6 AM
Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar
OUR SATISFACTION GUARANTEE!
We guarantee you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombasa .
How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots just beyond 12 nautical miles off the coast of Somalia , thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali mother ships. We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast . At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shore side to attract maximum attention.
Cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before July 31st and get a great bonus - 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice! So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!
BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE!
Reserve Now -and be automatically entered to win a 5 minute time slot on the Captain's own Twin Browning 50 Caliber M2HB installation!
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in ' Nam . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates...they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates!" -- Mike W., Savannah , GA
"Holy crap! I mean literally, I crapped myself! This gun shook the deck like thunder and I was laughing so hard I just had to release it. AWESOME!-- Jim W., Tampa , FL