Sage Advice

Subject: Sage advice

1.) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead and do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either - just pretty much leave me the
hell alone.

2.) It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to steal your neighbors' newspaper, that's the
time to do it.

3.) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and leaky tire.

4.) Duct tape is like 'The Force' -- it has a light
side and a dark side -- and it holds the universe
together.

5.) Always remember that you're unique -- just like
everyone else -- so don't be irreplaceable because if
you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted; and if
you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of mortgage payments.

6.) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them,
so before you criticize someone, you should walk a
mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

7.) Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving. Therefore, never miss a good
chance to shut up, as a closed mouth gathers no foot.

8.) And remember, if you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.

9.) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and
drink beer all day.

10.) If you lend someone $20 and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.

11.) Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield, so never test the depth of the water with
both feet and if at first you don't succeed -
skydiving is not for you.

12.) Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.

13.) And finally - there are two theories to arguing
with women. Neither one works.